just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
