dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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