Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
