So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm at about main and main street
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
