glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
