you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
