Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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