Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
