In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
