dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
