capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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