I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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