So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
