do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
