He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
