i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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