my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
