Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
