is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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