I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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