we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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