I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
