Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
