She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
