I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
