I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
