I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
