I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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