there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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