I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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