You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
