I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
