If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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