She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize