She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
