i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
