I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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