were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
