Plan B is the new Plan A
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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