I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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