He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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