I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i came on her dog
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
