I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
