Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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