I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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