You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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