I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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