I am in a vortex of obligation.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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