I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
