you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
