omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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