can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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