Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
