My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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