she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
