I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
