i think i have herpe
just one?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
