You made me cry and you don't even care
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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