we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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