I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
