His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
