Duck Duck Cougar?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
