I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
