if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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