Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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