yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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