Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just googled if crying burns calories
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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