I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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