If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
