dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
