my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
