I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
